32
... the number of balance, creativity, and personal growth
Some of you might have known that a couple months ago I turned 32. I know, shocking, right? How can this girl with a squeaky voice who looks twelve, actually be a MILF-age? Thanks to my Avril Lavigne syndrome people don’t tend to take me seriously, but once they get to know me they soon realise I'm the last person they should fuck with. And also that I’m actually pretty smart and wise.
I’ve had this blog post on my mind for a while and it was supposed to come out a lot sooner, right after my birthday, but life took unexpected turns and I wasn’t able to sit down and write. This is the worst and the best thing about life. The fact that you can’t plan anything. Because when you do, life kicks you right in the butt and sends you in an entirely different direction. And oh God, how painful that can sometimes be. But in those moments, all I need to do is to remember that every time my life fell apart, it took me somewhere greater. And it made me grow, it made me know myself better, and it made me stronger.
And since I'm 32 and I’ve lived several lives, I'm here today to share with you 32 very random facts I learnt during my journey on this Earth:
Far too many young men have issues with erection and weirdly no one is talking about it. And I mean men in their 20s and 30s. Before I became a sex worker, I thought that maybe I was the problem. But the more men I fucked, I realised it’s not me. It is certainly them.
Having regrets is a waste of time and energy. Be proud of all the stupid shit you’ve done.
Do things alone. Please do things alone! Even if you are in a relationship. Even if you have a big family or a big group of friends. You gotta do things alone. You gotta be in love with yourself and your own company. Go on a solo trip. Go to a gig alone. Because the last thing you want, is to wake up when you’re older, have absolutely no one around and not have any idea how to be by yourself. At the end - you’re the only person you’ve got.
Men who are obsessed with porn are the absolute worst in bed.
Sometimes waiting for the right timing is not such a bad idea. But you have to hold yourself accountable and make sure you’re not waiting your whole life. Listen to your intuition.
If a man tells you, “Not all men.” run.
Friends are more important than romantic partners. Romantic partners come and go, but real friends always stay. Do not abandon them because you’re too busy with your new romantic interest. One day, the love of your life might wake up, leave you and never look back. Then you will need your friends to help you get through it.
I’d rather be a bitch than a doormat.
Break-ups suck, but take it from the bright side - it’s the easiest diet out there, since a broken heart makes you despise even your favourite food. Time to lose that extra weight, baby!
Do not compare yourself with people around you. You are not behind. Tables turn constantly. Are you in your 20s and all your friends are getting married, whilst you can’t hold down a relationship for more than a month? Don’t worry, those people will be getting a divorce in their 30s and figuring out they are gay anyway.
Family means nothing if they don’t support you and only make you miserable. Just because someone gave you birth, it doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own mental health for keeping them close. This is your life. It’s okay to be selfish.
Samantha was the main character in Sex and the City and her relationship with Smith was the main love-story of the show.
Tall men really have the nicest cocks.
Move and nourish your body. Your future self will be so grateful. And I don’t mean your future self in ten or even twenty years. I mean the very, very future self. As a sex worker, I fuck a lot of older men. And you know the difference between fucking a 60 year old man who works and the one who doesn't? Put Brad Pitt next to an old man with the classic ‘grandpa’ look, who is overweight, moves annoyingly slowly and has the distinct ‘old person’ smell. That’s how massive the difference is. The same goes for women. It’s such a motivation for me when I go on a hike in the middle of the week and I meet retired people who are spending their morning cycling or running. They are so chipper, friendly and their energy is infectious. This is what kind of person I want to be when I'm older.
If you keep a positive spirit, you will have a positive life. If all your thoughts are negative, you will be miserable and no one will enjoy being around you. You have to find joy in small things. Even just getting a morning coffee and a croissant whilst the sun is shinning can be the ‘wow isn’t life fucking wonderful’ kind of moment.
Mr. Big over Aidan. Always. Because I’ll rather chase a hot, successful avoidant than be stuck with a bratty manipulative man-child.
People never used to take me seriously when I was saying that I wanted a different life for myself. Life that would feel like a movie. Guess what? Now I'm living the life that feels like a movie and those people are stalking my every single step on social media. So DREAM BIG!
Don’t worry. Those men who broke your heart in your early teens and 20s will be bold in the next 15 years.
Incels are hating on feminism because one of the many things that feminism gave to women, is the ability to choose a partner. Yes, we can actually be with a man we want to be with, rather than a man we need. We no longer require a man to get a credit card or a loan and we can buy a house and start a business on our own. And instead of adapting to this change, men cry about it on the internet. It's actually so repulsive that some men would happily be with a woman who doesn't really want to be with them, just because of their incapability to be alone. Like boohoo, how awful that you as a man actually gotta invest time and money into your looks, work on your social skills and get a hobby to make yourself interesting. Something that women already do regardless of them being single or not.
Animals are better than people, and that’s why I'm vegan. If I ever decide to eat meat again, it’s going to be human meat.
You never really truly know someone but yourself. Your best friends, your lovers… You don’t know their thoughts, you’re not with them every second of the day. Stop being so sure you know everything about the person in front of you because you really don’t.
Travelling and meeting people from all over the world and getting to know other cultures will educate you better than any school ever will.
For women - make them use condoms unless they are your partner and you’ve decided together on what sort of protection you’re using. If they complain how it doesn’t feel as good with a condom, say adios and let them enjoy the beauty of their own hand. Men who complain about condoms lack any respect for women. They expect us to be swallowing hormonal shit on a daily basis or take the morning after pill. They expect us to get tested. They expect us to get an abortion. All that so they can feel slightly more pleasure. When in most cases they can’t even fuck well with or without a condom.
Dance like no one’s watching. We’re not meant to be sitting all day every day by our laptops. We’re meant to be dancing through life.
If someone isn't capable to make fun of themselves, they are either incredibly boring or they are a narcissist. Either way, just run.
I would like to say something super empowering like “Don’t beg for their love if they keep pushing you away.” but honestly? Sometimes humiliating yourself enough is the thing that helps you move forward. So yeah, whatever. Send the fucking long text, break no contact, turn up by their door. Make you cringe at yourself so much that you will never want to go back or text them again.
Don’t have kids just to have them. You will end up being miserable and your kids will hate you. Really think about it and make sure you really want this.
I'm not at all worried about getting older because there are women like Gillian Anderson or Maggie Gyllenhaal who are the proof that getting older = getting hotter. The only reason why men are hating on older women so much is because older women can see right through their shit. Why do you think so many men are obsessed with fucking barely legal girls? Power and manipulation.
Most people don’t think about the reasons of their own existence and their purpose on this planet, and I find it so weird. How do people just exist without constantly thinking if they are on the right path making the right choices?
Jealousy is ugly and you don’t want to be ugly.
Men who are making fun of women with small boobs are just closeted gays. Boobs of all sizes and shapes are absolutely spectacular and if you don’t like them you clearly should be on your knees sucking a dick.
Once, a man in his forties asked me where my clit was. That’s just what it’s like to be a woman. in this world.
L. x
Lea, happy 32! I learned from your 32 lessons, thoughtful insight. You are honest regarding being a sex worker. To me sex workers are not whores. You provide a service for people with a need, no different than a Therapist.
If you don't know where the clit is you're like a borderline virgin....or a fucking idiot.