We need to talk about Adam

I used to love you when no one else did. But times have changed....

The best thing about having a proper blog again is having a space to shitpost and deeply analyze characters from my favourite shows and movies. Something I absolutely love doing in my free time.

There are certain shows that I rewatch every 1–3 years and during every rewatch I take something completely else from it depending on my current life situation. Girls by Lena Dunham is one of the shows. I watched it when it first aired in 2012 and I can’t even tell how many times I’ve seen it since then. But it’s been 13 years and it’s funny to pick out how your perspective has changed. The characters you loved the most all those years ago you now hate, and the ones you used to hate you either like or at least understand to.

Pretty much everyone loved and wanted to be Jessa back in the days. The well travelled, Bohemian, free spirited woman with insanely long and shiny hair. Now everyone knows that she’s quite the worst. Broken, impulsive, self-centred and a terrible friend. All the things people used to say about Hannah. And even though Hannah can be quite narcissistic and selfish, she was still a really good friend. Maybe not really to Marnie, but I’m pretty sure that’s because Hannah never really liked Marnie. It’s the kind of friendship that just randomly happened and because it’s been so long, it’s difficult to let go. But Hannah really loved Jessa. How many times she tried to be there for her even though Jessa was a bitch to her? Hannah was the sort of friend you could call out of blue, say you needed to be picked up from rehab, and she’d everything and find a way to get you. It literally took Jessa sleeping with Hannah’s ex-boyfriend for Hannah to finally say: “Okay, I’m fucking done with you now.”

But one character I thought I would never change my mind about was Adam. Yet the unexpected became reality. I used to be obsessed with him from the very moment the show came out, even when everyone else thought he was ugly and weird. Yes, I loved Adam Driver before he had all these remarkable roles and people started to find him actually attractive. However, in Girls, it wasn’t just about his looks. I loved how odd his character was, mysterious and of course—kinky. The ending of Season 2, when he does his topless run across New York City to “save” Hannah, is still one of my favourite romantic scenes in TV history.

I guess the universal Hannah hate used to be so strong that I never even realised how awfully Adam treated her from the moment he got his role on Broadway. I had to date my own “hot and cold” man with no communication skills to realise how cruel, selfish and narcissistic Adam really was. It made me feel for Hannah and understand her confusion the way I was never able to do before.

The shock when you’re with someone who’s messing with you like that is real. Because one day they tell you they never wanna love anyone else but you, and the next day they are moving out because you’re a little bit too much. And you simply don’t understand what’s happening. It breaks me when Hannah is struggling with her work and has absolutely no support from Adam. It’s not easy to go to a job every day that is eating you alive and still be able to show up for your partner who’s living their dream. But she does. Even after he moves out and treats her like she’s some sort of cockroach, she is there for him. And his success and devotion to his art inspires her to do the same. She gets into a writing program in Iowa and she makes a decision to go. I’ve never done a long-distance relationship and never had a lover moving away all of a sudden, but especially since Adam was an artist himself, you would expect to understand what kind of opportunity it was for Hannah. Her return to do something she really loves and is good. She is so excited about it that she didn’t even realise he might not react well to the news, and that’s why she tells him right before his first performance. People might say it was a wrong choice and she should have told him after, but I don’t know— she was so miserable in her work and suddenly, she had something to live for again. Of course, she wanted to share it with her partner right away. She also never even considered them breaking up and assumed they would make it work no matter how. Maybe I’m naive, but what’s two years apart when you really love someone and want to be with them for the long run? Real love is recognising your person’s opportunity and knowing that certain opportunities do not come twice. A perfect example is Marianne in Normal People. Her boyfriend Connell gets into a writing program on the other side of the world and he doesn’t want to go because he wants to stay with her. But she loves him enough to encourage him to go after his dream, knowing they might never find a way back to each other. That’s the true love right here.

After she tells him about Iowa, Hannah then goes and watch the play. You can see how mesmerised and proud she is when Adam comes on the stage. Her eyes are full of love and she looks around, wondering if everyone can see how talented her man is. After the play, she goes to congratulate him, but he’s cold and he makes a tantrum about her leaving. And that’s how season 3 ends.

Season 4 starts off with Hannah having a goodbye party and Adam seems extremely sad and upset. On the morning she’s leaving, he pretends to be asleep instead of saying a proper goodbye. How mature of him, right? He is like a proper man-child. Something doesn’t go his way, so he’s gonna act like a brat.

Yet when Hannah comes back only a month later, since Iowa wasn’t what she had hoped it was gonna be, Adam’s got a brand new girlfriend and they are living together. In Hannah’s apartment. And all of her stuff are gone.
That episode breaks me every time.
I think many would argue that they both decided to keep the relationship open, but never had a proper conversation about what it actually means for them. So basically, Adam didn’t do anything wrong. But I feel like I can speak for everyone who has ever been in love— we want to believe that the person we’re with will never hurt us. I mean, that’s why we trust them with our heart, right? Even when things do fall apart and two people are breaking up, you still should consider each other’s feelings, be respectful and try to avoid hurting the other person as much as possible. If Adam was mature enough, he wouldn’t have moved in his new girlfriend to Hannah’s place without telling her first. He could have easily gone to Iowa and have this difficult conversation face to face, rather than waiting for Hannah to somehow find out and see what happens. But that’s an issue with a lot of people, especially men, who have zero communication skills. They don’t tell you how they feel or if their feelings have changed, and they will delay any difficult conversation until it all blows up. And when the conversation finally happens, they are cold and almost seem bothered that they have to deal with the consequences of their own ignorance. Like it wasn’t the absolute bare minimum to give an explanation to someone who trusted you with their own heart.

I really feel for her in this episode. It is the absolute worst, being betrayed by someone you trusted and you don’t know if you’re the crazy one or if they are. You still have all these vivid memories of your shared love, all the things you’ve done together and the moments they told you they loved you. And this person in front of you looks like them, but they act like someone else. Someone you’ve never met before.

But of course when his new girlfriend breaks up with him in a few months, he goes straight back to Hannah, assuming she would take him back. She says no and that makes me so fucking proud of her, because you could see in her eyes how much she still loves him. That takes a real strength and self-respect. The fact that he acts surprised shows his real character. Did he really think she would take him back after treating her so awfully for so long? He didn’t even seem genuinely sorry for his behaviour and for breaking her heart. He doesn’t even properly fight for her, he’s just surprised since he thought she was a sure thing.

And since Hannah didn’t take him back, he goes for her best friend, Jessa. Again, no consideration of Hannah’s feeling and never any hesitation that this might be a fucked up idea. At least Jessa felt bad. And every time Jessa mentions Hannah, Adam says some horrible things about her. I wonder— if you really think that someone is that awful and selfish, why would you try to get back together with them? Why would you wanna be with someone you hate so much? Is this a man thing? An ego thing?

Some time later, he finds out that Hannah is pregnant with someone else’s baby and she had decided to raise it by herself. And his instinct is to ditch Jessa and get together with Hannah to help her out. As I’m writing this, I’m starting to think that maybe he was bipolar, because this is crazy. It takes Adam and Hannah a whole day together to realise what a ridiculous idea it is —them together raising a baby that wasn’t even his.
That scene is their very last scene together and it honestly is one of the best scenes ever. Absolutely spectacular writing and acting. You will never make me hate Lena Dunham, and I will forever believe she’s one of the most talented people out there.

I used to be really bumped they don’t end up together but to be honest, Adam and Jessa as a couple makes so much more sense. These two deserve each other. Both addicts, self-destructive, selfish ego maniacs.

Hannah deserved better. I realised that through the show, Adam never showed any actual support when it comes to her writing. He was never encouraging her, you never see him reading her work, sharing his opinions, just nothing. Even when he was obsessed with her at the beginning, he never really cared about her as a person or as an artist. He loved to criticise her for being selfish or lazy, and barely managed to say anything nice and supportive. Even when she was being published in a magazine and had a proper writing job, he was unable to show he was happy for her. And yes, I know they were already broken up then, but do you remember the episode when Hannah finds out Jessa and Adam are fucking? It was after the theatrical show he had a part in, and yet she still congratulated him afterward, even though she had just found out that the man who she once really loved was screwing her best friend.

Anyway, this is why I love getting older. Because getting older means getting wiser. Whether it’s looking at your favourite characters from years ago, realising they are a toxic motherfucker, or going through difficult stuff in real life. Heartbreak that would have killed you 6 years ago is now a painful experience you sit through, knowing that sooner or later, you will be okay. Now you know that an ending of one chapter is just a beginning of another one.

L. x